Should I Really Join Facebook?

When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, my 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.

That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twitterific, Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting World.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this.
I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Bunnings talking to my wife and everyone within 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying and rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship...
When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and, while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions, checking bathrooms, and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or plastic?" I just say, "It doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look.

I was recently asked if I tweet.
I answered, No, but I do fart a lot."

Your little tale reminded me of this one

I have a little Satnav, it sits there in my car
A satnav is a driver's friend, it tells you where you are.
I have a little satnav, I've had it all my life
It’s better than the normal ones, my satnav is my wife.
It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive.
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says, "you're doing thirty five."
It tells me when to stop and start and when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever safe to overtake.
It tells me when a light is red and when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively just when to intervene.
It lists the vehicles just in front and all those to the rear
And taking this into account, it specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver has so helpful a device,
For when we leave and lock the car it still gives its advice.
It fills me up with counselling, each journey's pretty fraught.
So why don't I exchange it and get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I'm properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things and keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages and my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that, once in a while, I could turn the flipping thing off.