Suctions a Whoopsie Daisies

Sheila stepped delicately out of the shower and slipped on the wet bathroom floor.
Instead of falling over, her legs skidded apart causing her to do the splits and suction herself to the ceramic floor tiles.
Stuck like a limpet to a ship's hull, she cried out for her husband.
"Bruce, Bruce," she yelled.
Bruce gulped down his tinny and came running in.
"Bruce, I've bloody suctioned meself to the floor," she said .
"Strewth Sheila," said Bruce as he tried to pull her up. "That's some suction, you're stuck fast girl. I'll nip across the road and get Cobba" (his mate).
Bruce and Cobba come running back and they both try to pull Sheila free.
"No way Bruce mate, we can't do it. We can't break the vacuum," said Cobba,
"Lets go to Plan B."
"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce. "What's Plan B"?
"I go back home and get me hammer and chisel. Then we break the tiles under her and release the vacuum." Replied Cobba.
"Spot on, mate" said Bruce. "While you're doing that, I'll stay here and play with her."
"Play with her tits?" said Cobba, "Not exactly a good time for that, mate."
"No" Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her hot enough, we can slide her through into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive.

Heard this poem 27yrs ago performed by the author at a community night in the old Daylesford Vic Court house that my 12yo sons band the Pacesetters were also playing at.
Literally had the place in hysterics.