The Will

Guest

A probate attorney discusses with the family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will.
‘To my loving wife, Abby, who always stood by me, I leave the house, yacht and three millions dollars,’ the attorney reads.
‘To my darling daughter, Kimberley, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the special car collection, the business and 2 million dollars.’
‘And finally,’ the lawyer concludes, ‘to my cousin Frederick, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would never mention him in my will.
Well, you were wrong. Hi Frederick!’

Guest

Simon is walking along the pier one day when he comes across an old man with his shoes off, trousers rolled up, legs dangling in the sea and fishing with an fictional fishing rod.
Simon is baffled so he asks, “What are you doing mate?”
The old man answers, “Fishing for idiots.”
“Sounds cool,” says Simon. “Can I join you?”
The old man says, “Of course you can. Sit down here next to me, son.”
So Simon sits down and casts a fictional rod out.
Then Simon asks the old man, “So, how many idiots have you caught today, then?”
The old man replies, “You’re the fourth this morning.”

Guest

Two friends enter a marathon. After they had been running for a while, they were passed by a tall, muscular man. “I know that guy” the first said. “He’s a construction worker.”
A few minutes later, another racer passed them with long, loping strides. “That fellow’s a doctor.”
Just then, ambulance sirens began to wail in the distance, and a runner sprinted by so quickly that he was just a blur.
“Who was that?” asked the second friend.
“Him?” the first answered. “He’s a lawyer!”

Guest

An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked. The wily old General sends for his trusty Indian Scout. "Red Feather," he said, "you must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here." Red Feather lay down and put his ear to the ground..."Heap-large war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black horses, two on white stallions. All have war paint ... many many guns. Medicine man also with them." "Good grief!" exclaims the General, "you can tell all that just by listening to the ground?" "No, General," replied the Indian, "Me see under gate...."

Guest

Did you hear about the two Italian men that get onto a bus? They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

Subject: Re: The Will Mon Apr 09, 2018 7:37 am

david

Subject: Re: The Will Wed Apr 11, 2018 10:23 pm

Keep em comin' lol!